I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
