my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
