Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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