I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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