She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
