escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
