Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
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I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
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My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015