remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
