2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
