Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you