dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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