jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
