omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize