two words: eviction party
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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