I seem to have left my pride at pride
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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