God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
