When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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