this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize