So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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