you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
