Only a mothe r could love this liver
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
