you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
