last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I can't put those talents on a resume
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
