Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Is Oprah even human
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