he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
