I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
