gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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