I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
