Moan for me like Helen Keller
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
