i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
