Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
