well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There's always time for handjobs
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
