There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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