im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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