Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
