the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You were trust falling into bushes
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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