Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
