areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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