Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
