4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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