Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm going to jail i love you
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
