I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
