am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
