If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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