So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
