Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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