he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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