I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
