sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Randomize
