I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
