My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
