we're chasing vodka with high fives
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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