matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
