My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
