We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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