Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That accounts for only three of the penises
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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