The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
