it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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