chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
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