I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
