he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
